Have you ever had event in your life that makes you stand up and say; ‘That’s it. I’m changing.’ Or have you ever got yourself into a rut that is so hard to pull yourself out from?
Well, that’s me. On both accounts.
For those who follow me through Facebook, Twitter, or this blog, you’ll know that we have just lost my Mother-in-law to a long illness.
What you don’t realise when you’re in a situation like this (waiting for the phone to ring, three or four trips to town a week – 200km round trip!, or trips away to the doctors) is that you operate on nothing but adrenalin and auto-pilot.
Perhaps you self-medicate with wine or over eating. Perhaps you don’t remember things you’ve been told by your family or kids and maybe your don’t remember what a ‘normal’ life, without unseen pressures, is.
I think I did all of the above.
I made a vow, the Monday after her funeral, I would start my new life.
I joined Curves (again). I made a promise I would eat much healthier than I have done in the past four year. I would exercise every day and I bought a bike.
After all, I had something to aim for. I turn forty next year and I have a massive book tour coming up for Crimson Dawn. I want to have the energy to go full pelt!
I was sick of the cotton wool feeling in my head and inability to ‘pick myself up and keep going’.
That Monday came, I wasn’t ready to start. I didn’t keep my appointment at Curves – I went marking lambs instead. I didn’t want to go walking or drink less wine or not eat the creamy yabby pasta I had just made (my craving for carbs during this time has been incredible.)
But last Friday I started. And here, on Monday, so far I’ve managed to keep my plan. I’m sure I’ll fall by the wayside many times during this next six months. Hopefully I’ll have enough will power to pick myself up again and get back on the horse.
Hopefully my days of incredible numbness will pass more quickly with a bit of exercise and music involved. And maybe, just maybe, my writing might have a little more ‘perk’ in it – it’s very easy to let ‘real life’ impact on writing.
My husband might actually like the fact I can remember he’s told me what is happening on the farm and that I turn up in the ‘right’ paddock for lamb marking, not the wrong farm and paddock, like I did once or twice during this last few months!
All in all, I’m looking forward to a positive life. A new life, one that exists for my family and friends, with time for me.
So, it’s time to take a deep breath and do what I’ve just confessed to you all I’m going to. Yes, I’m me and I’m hoping to be more content with myself very soon!
Have you ever felt like this? Or do have tips on how to keep motivated? If you do, please share them – I may need them soon!