Choice
A new rose for a new year. Gorgeous, isn't it? I'm not sure what rose this is - I think it might be Peace, which, if so, is the perfect rose for me coming into 2022. What about you?
At the end of almost every year, I write a blog about how I'm going to be more organised, lose weight, get fit, blah, blah, blah. I bet I'm not the only one. This year, I'm not going to do that. I've said many times that one of the activities I do is write in a journal every day. It's part of how I plan my day, work out what I've got on and also solve plotting problems with my books - it's like having a conversation with myself daily. A couple of days ago, I made a list of all the things that have been traumatic events for me during the past seven and a half years, and trust me, there has been A LOT.
I couldn't work out why I was still feeling like I was treading water, sad and not content with anything in my life. It turns out I've had a severe traumatic event every year of my life since I left my marriage (and that was traumatic enough, let me tell you!). One traumatic event every year for seven years. I won't list them here, but it's a lot to work through when your spirit has already been broken and crushed.
So this year, instead of making all these wild statements about how much weight I'm going to lose and how fit and ripped I'm going to be (hahaha! If only you could see how much work THAT would take!), I'm going to choose choice. Yep, you read that right. I'm choosing choice.
Everything I do in 2022 is because I choose to do it. Not because I feel an expectation or want or anything else. It will be because I choose to do so. If I want to lose weight, I'll choose to do it. If I want to go to the gym, I'll choose to. That way, if I'm making a choice, then hopefully I'll succeed at the things that are really important to me.
I've signed up for the Sober Challenge through The Women's Wellbeing Collective. (If you want more info, Google them on Facebook - it's a closed group, but you can read about them and then join if you'd like). I want to be clear-headed to write great books for you, be present in life, love and friendships. Trauma clouds your mind, and your body holds on to it. Trauma can take away the essence of who you are, and for me, it seems to have been a year where many ghosts have come back to haunt me, and I've had to do some serious work on myself.
I don't want to be that person who is continually attacked by my past. There's a great saying: Get Better or Get Bitter. I chose Better. Would you like to? If you're feeling like this, cloudy, tired, disengaged, then join me in choice for 2022. And get in contact if you'd like to chat about this - we might be able to start a movement for women who are feeling a bit crap and need change! I know so many women who feel like this in their forties, and if I can get a support and happiness/wellness group happening, I'd love to do that and have a happy and supportive community around all of us.
And before I sign off for 2021, I want you to know how grateful I am to you; everyone who reads my books, gives my books, sells my books. I would not have a career without you, and even though I don't know many of you personally, every day, when I get out of bed, I think of you all because I'm grateful. You allow me to come into your lives with my stories, and that is a gift.
With love and best wishes for 2022,
Fleur x
